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Free G10 Watch Strap
A free ARRSE G10 watch strap with any order until the end of October. Don't want one? Surely you know someone who does and that will be your Christmas present woes sorted. Imagine the look of delight on their face!
to the shop
"The Fitters Lament"
My toolbox is minus a padlock,
My padlock is minus a key,
My tools are all over the carpark,
Oh, bring back my padlock to me.
My Whitworth has gone and my shifter,
My screwdriver, where can it be?
I've looked all around for my feelers,
Oh, bring back my Whitworth to me.
My six millimeter has vanished,
My pliers have gone on the spree,
My wire cutters also have left me,
Oh, bring back my pliers to me.
When I get released back to England,
How happy at home I will be,
I will buy me a steel-plated toolbox,
With a steel-plated padlock and key.
From the book "From Oasis into Italy by Victor Selwyn. Thanks to BenghaziBandit and Jarrod248.
Fire in the Hole
thanks to Chodmeister
ARRSE Gallery
Lucky Day
from LooseScrew
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!' My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
"Egg timer's broken again"
» ARRSE Jokes
Members - Did you Know? Account Functions.
You can get ARRSE in white with signatures and avatars removed to make it less obvious that you spend most of your day on ARRSE. For a temporary change change click on the small white box in the bottom left of each page or below, and for a permanent change go to (in the header menu) My Stuff, Chane Site Colours.
» Temporary Change to White
» Permanant Change
Bugger me, another month flown by,
Welcome to the October newsletter. It's straight down to business this month: Nov 11th approaches, it's time for our annual charity auction to raise money for the RBL and we need prizes. Anything that you think has value and would make a suitable auction prize. More more info see BCO's thread here.
If you have any doubts about the relevancy of the RBL, take a moment to browse their website (ignoring the terrible video):
"[The RBL] helps with a huge range of issues, including counselling, job retraining, skills assessment, getting the right pensions and benefits, advice and interest free loans for setting up small businesses, welfare grants, pilgrimages to war graves, convalescent and nursing care, and home and hospital visits."
RBL - Who we help
Why the RBL by BCO
Bad CO - Request for Auction Items
Airbumming
arrsepedia article by Fugly
Skiffing? Wahing? Top intellectual passtimes compared with this.......
Sport, hobby, nuisance, childish and immature, downright hilarious, call it what you will. Airbumming at its base level involves creeping up behind a colleague and - well, the title speaks for itself.
Removed as 'Vandalism' from wikipedia, wikipedia, proudly documented by the ARRSEPedia, and the race is now on for someone to airbum a celebrity, a member of Royalty or a member of HM Government.
Airbumming in the ARRSEPedia
Airbumming 4 video
ARRSE Social I - Scotland
by Sixty
The weekend of 30/31st October sees another Scottish Crawl. This time the lucky city is Edinburgh and there’s still time to put your name down and come along.
Haggis! Neeps! Kilts! Curling! Impenetrable accents! (except not really since it’s Edinburgh) and sundry stereotypical stuff is what you won’t be missing. What you will be missing, if evidence of past crawls is anything to go by, is copious alcohol quaffing, puking, dodgy dancing, fondling and bad food.
It’ll be great.
ARRSE Social II - The 'SAS' Curry Night, London
by Sandbanks
Right, now we've got your attention, here's what you've all been waiting for: The next ARRSE curry night is scheduled for Thursday, 29th October and will be held at the usual SW London venue - The Bricklayer's Arms, Waterman Street, Putney SW15.
This time around we are going to go back to the original format where, as well as a bloody good ruby (meat and veggie options), we'll also be serving popadoms and sambals to recreate the whole Army curry experience. Price per person will be £10 and all profits will go to our favourite charidee.
Why the SAS? SAINTSTONE & SANDBANKS will be doing the cooking.
More
The Rumour Service Lives up to its Name - RIP TA
by Sixty
The most important story for the TA soldiers on ARRSE came late in the month with a thread that showed just how much the Army Rumour Service lives up to it’s name. Information was disseminated with a speed that put the MoD to shame regarding the rumoured six months training freeze by the means of a much disbelieved two sentence post.
Still they say that the first stage is denial don’t they? Later in the thread, it moved on to anger and I think we’ll have acceptance cracked by the end of the week.
It’s worth noting that beyond a story on BBC News and one in The Times that the freeze has yet to be officially announced (as the Newsletter was written) but that didn’t stop the usual suspects getting their comedy STAB-baiting posts in anyway but such is life (and Arrse).
RIP TA on the forums
Want to Join the Newsletter Team?
Young-ish, current-ish, junior rank-ish, regular-ish and either serving or recently left? Fancy digging around ARRSE for good stuff and trying out your writing skills? Drop GCO an email at admin@arrse.co.uk.
Pugh, Pugh, Hitler
thread statred by Fifth_Columnist
Short, sweet and very funny for any 80s kids with a spare 5 minutes to do some kids cartoons nostalgia u-tubing:
pugh,pugh,hitler
A Plea - Keep the Junk / 3 Word Posts / Rants out of Current Affairs and the Serious Boards
Most things go in large parts of ARRSE, except the extrem -isms, and supporting the BNP. To compliment that though we aim to have more serious areas - all part of the something-for-everyone ideal. Please respect this and stick to the rules
"Our serious boards are heavily moderated as we aim to keep them sensible and relevant for those who wish to engage in serious discussion. The following are not tolerated:
a. Taking thread off topic
b. Moderate swearing / abuse of other users.
c. Non-contributory posting ie pointless ranting. !"
The Rules
Privacy and ARRSE
If you have any doubts about, or are just interested in the site and your privacy, please read this article.
Old and Bold - The Jinx Tank
by Jarrod248
Benghazibandit tried all means not to get involved with what was known as 'Jinx tank' but did write this story to the memory of what happened and how he managed to cheat death by keeping well away from the thing. Benghazibandit would appreciate anyone getting in touch who have had similar dealings with this tank, although he will be aware most will be dead.
The Jinx Tank
Most popular topics of the last 30 days
Measured by number of posts in that period, excluding the NAAFI bar.
| Word Association Game |
| Int Corps Posts: 945 |
| Are humans omnivores or herbivores? |
| The Intelligence Cell Posts: 436 |
| RIP TA |
| Just TA Posts: 361 |
| Ex Para Attacked By Five Scum & In Coma. |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 211 |
| Student p*sses on War Memorial |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 208 |
| Parent - Advice and Chat in here |
| Joining Up (Regular) Posts: 183 |
| impose sharia law on Britain |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 165 |
| Raping Pillaging Plundering Vikings were scared of Scotland! |
| Military History and Militaria Posts: 160 |
| Best British Equiptment? |
| QM's - Clothing and Equipment Posts: 139 |
| Fire Strikes once more - No Op Fiasco this time! |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 137 |
The Newsletter Team
This fine newsletter was written and put together by Sixty, Jarrod 48, Gremlin, Good CO and of course those quoted who didn't know anything about it until now.
That's All Folks
Finally we'd like to wish all those on ops our best wishes.