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Latest Jokes
Thanks to Civvy-Ging for this one:
Pet Diary
Dog Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................
ARRSEPedia - Wanted Pages
The ARRSEPedia again – wanted pages. These are pages that someone has linked to, so almost exist, but not quite. The links appear in red and lead to an empty page. It's an invitation to you to write. Some of the more attractive “write mes”are:
Afghanistan Campaign Medal
First Afghan War
Blue Smarties
One for Recruiters
MSR asked us to highlight this post by Bangalore - “This should be pinned up in every recruiting office”:
“I'm still serving but I'm also a qualified teacher, project manager, I have had some of the best managerial experience imagined and can generally turn my hand to almost anything because that is what the Infantry has taught me - self sufficiency, motivation and the ability to strive for success....“
more....
Top Tip - Go to Last
On most links to threads on ARRSE (last 50, front page, listings in forums) you can see small orange page icons next to the thread titles. These will take you straight to the last post in any thread.
Hello ARRSErs past and present,
Welcome to the August newsletter. Well, it's certainly been a busy month in the virtual world of ARRSE - 651,863 visitors since Jul 13th - almost 40% up on the same time last year. Out in the real world, and perhaps not unrelated, Operation Panther's Claw cannot go without mention and our thoughts as always are with those killed and injured, and their families.
Of the related threads on ARRSE, particularly interesting was one sparked by the recent letter to the Independent by a member of the Welsh Guards battlebroup; a harsh look at the realities of operations. Most Arrsers praised the author's courage but a significant minority thought that it undermined the CoC. Read more....
To Jackal or not to Jackal?
A lively debate about the capabilities of Jackal started with the majority of people who have actually used it speaking up for it and with some valuable input from members of the Civil Service (oh, and some abuse flung Dr Richard North's way). Read more....
Send in your Uniform. Eh?
Of course the site has had plenty of discussion about the MoD's attempt to reduce the compensation awarded to two soldiers injured in Panther's Claw. One of the more bizarre means of protest by one member involved sending his uniform to the PM, followed by some practical tips on which bits of your own uniform to send. We can only imagine the devastating effectiveness of this campaign. Moving swiftly on.....
Are you Religious?
The thread / poll Are you Religious continues at a pace; now 51860 posts and indicating that over half off the Army are atheist or agnostic, and approximately 99.9% are definitely not about to join debating teams. “Show me the proof that you are conscious” demands Excognito in one post. Dwarf counters with the concise “However if one looks at the 'supernatural' as existing in nature and subject to rational explanation, just that the explanation awaits scientific discovery then that is an alternative definition” – just the normal cut and thrust of your average ARRSE conversation!.
Tenerife? I go to Elevenerife.
For those that enjoy the witty verbal ping-pong of a good handbags at ten paces thread, there's a particularly good example of outraged bluster and walting accusations here.
Charity and Social
Porridge_gun asked us to highlight the Spatula Challenge , a fund raising cycle ride done by Will and Georgina Mc Creadie (14 and 16yrs), son and daughter of one of the ARRSE members. Will and Georgina raised nearly £15k for the charity Cardiac Risk to the Young and Holidays 4 Heroes.
Other major charity successes have been Wompingwillow on the Plinth with £1k and Gundolph's ARRSE Challenge Coin which has raised about £1k so far and is going strong.
Upcoming socials - With both Cornwall and Brum being touted for. The Cornwall one has a very real possibility of nipple-rings being on show and and the Brum one sees all participants vowing to steer clear of 'specialist' bars, unlike last time apparently
Everyone's favourite Ally / Gucci kit – Webbing. This summer it's MOLLE
PLCE, Cop vests, NI daysacks, SAS bergans? You're out of date on your gucci webbing. I was browsing the recent ARRSEPedia entries and saw this one about MOLLE (thank you Buck Felize) It interested me as I'd been hearing a lot about this stuff from the guys at RVOps eg: video. They've been getting rave reviews back about it from those out there using it. Just trying to keep you old and bold up to date!
A bit of History - Market Garden
Taking the phrase ‘old and bold’ to an entirely new level, why not have a look at Swordman’s posts over in the Sappers forum.
A few words from Brian 'Swordman' as a bit of an introduction.
Here on the ARRSE site. For a long time now, I serialised the book that I wrote for family. (Cameos of War) The purpose behind those postings was to keep the memory alive of all the young men that never came home, and! To recall the sacrifices of that huge number of wounded from WW2.
With that in mind, let me write a brief introductory word about Market Garden. This, as many of you will know,. was the pseudonym used to cover the operation at Arnhem. Here we dropped the Airborne in a leapfrog manner, up through central Holland. With the final drop over Arnhem.
That operation. had it been successful, would have opened up the Northern plains of Germany for our armour to drive into the industrial North. It was a glittering prize with the reward of the war over by Christmas, and many thousands of young lives saved. Plus into Berlin first…..
But it was a long shot. Was it worth the chance? Every time…..
Market Garden.. One half was the Airborne, the market. The second half was the land borne relieving forces, the garden.
65 years on, it is not well understood that this drive North to Arnhem, was a two pronged affair. It was the Eastern drive that we took part in; Lille St Hubert. Escaut Canal. Weert Euwelwegen. all up the Eastern side of Holland. Some of you may recall we stopped at the “White Brothers” monastery, when we ran out of fuel and supplies. We played them at football during our very brief stay, before we set off again Northwards. Eventually to arrive at Mook on the German Border, while I was sent on a recce on the Island between Nijmegen and Arnhem to find a “harbour area”
Had I known it, my war was swiftly coming to an end. I had been already wounded back in Normandy, so in some ways I felt that Lightening does not strike twice…
How wrong can you be…… I found that saying, was a complete fallacy. Big Bang and as I lay on the road between Overlooon and Venraij with a fractured spine, leg smashed, lots of cracked bones,
It started to snow gently on my face. When something horrible happened we used the term; “ More tea? Another cucumber sandwich Vicar?
Sapper Brian
more.......
Win 3000 Beers for your Unit!
Our sponsor, Towergate Wilsons, has launched a summer competition for units in the Armed Forces. The idea is simple: service personnel, and their spouses, vote for their unit before the 31 Oct 09 and the unit with the most votes wins 3000* beers.
They are running two categories of prizes; 3000 beers for the winning major unit (established strength over 200) and 1000 beers for the minor unit (established strength 200 or less) and will deliver to any UK address (or UK military base in Germany) on a day of your choosing.
Click here to register your vote!
Return of Duffdike
And speaking of the past: August saw the return of much admired Arrser, duffdike. Sadly no longer sporting his ‘C0ck But Harmless’ shoulder flashes but still making friends and influencing people in his inimitable way.
To be honest, we thought he’d gone the way of Caubeen (was it Mulligan, in the library with the Bushmills bottle?) but are relieved to see him back as no doubt his family would have missed him. A bit.
Most popular topics of the last 30 days
Measured by number of posts in that period, excluding the NAAFI bar.
| Word Association Game |
| Int Corps Posts: 861 |
| Brum race riot |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 416 |
| anonymous Welsh Guards captain in paper today? |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 240 |
| ADSC Chat & Queries |
| Joining Up (Regular) Posts: 141 |
| Were are you with your application process? - From app to P1 |
| Joining Up (Regular) Posts: 134 |
| Transferring to the Australian Army |
| Australia Posts: 123 |
| Army Number |
| Military History and Militaria Posts: 122 |
| London Christmas Crawl 2009 |
| ARRSE Social Posts: 113 |
| Be Honest.......what's your 1.5 mile run time? |
| Joining Up (Regular) Posts: 112 |
| Ronnie Biggs released from prison to die. |
| Current Affairs, News and Analysis Posts: 107 |
The Newsletter Team
For the first time this was newsletter by committee hence the rather richer content than the last two. So thanks to Sixty, Jarrod248, verticalgyro, gremlin, Fugly and PriceAlbert. Good CO.
That's All Folks
Finally we'd like to wish those at home a good weekend, but more importantly for those on/going on ops, look after yourselves (and post some good phots on ARRSE when you get back).
